August 9, 2022

I’ve an extended obsession with articles about celeb properties, partly as a result of I’m a considerate one that likes to study how different folks dwell, and primarily as a result of I’m extraordinarily shallow and love celebrities and fancy homes. So the enjoyment was unconfined when Gwyneth Paltrow opened her doorways to a US journal and – for causes I can’t fathom, however won’t ever query – allowed us inside. 

Gwyneth isn’t just a celeb, however the extremely celeb, one who encapsulates all the pieces that folks hate-love-hate about celebrities. She seems to be like she’d bully the hell out of you in case you went to highschool along with her, she has dated just about each good-looking well-known man her age (Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt, Chris, er, Martin) and he or she has made an infinite amount of cash from speaking absolute nonsense by way of her web site Goop. And so, predictably, her tour of her home is the last word tour of a celeb’s home, encapsulating all the pieces that I really like-hate-LOVE about these articles. Is there an architect saying issues like ‘A house ought to mirror the physicality and the ethos of its proprietor, and this home takes its cues from Gwyneth’s top, magnificence and concentrate on distillation’? Does Gwyneth describe her $45,500 chandelier as ‘punk rock jewelry’? And does it embody a $62,000 hammock? Sure, sure and sure.

(Picture credit score: Future)

However right here’s the true pleasure of wanting round celeb properties: they’re typically horrible. Oh certain, I wouldn’t die of distress if somebody gave me Gwyneth’s large California home. However would I redecorate it? Rattling proper. As a result of as a lot as these articles at all times bang on about how a lot the home displays the proprietor (her magnificence! Her top!), they don’t, as a result of they had been solely completed by the architects and interior designers. Consequently, all of them have the secure blandness that anybody who has been in a company high-end resort will recognise. And so it’s with Gwyneth’s: oh certain, she might need a $30,795 bathe system in her house spa, however so do loads of fancy resort spas, which is precisely what her house spa seems to be like. The rooms are all beige and white, as a result of what else would they be? ‘After I launched into this undertaking, I used to be ideating for a future self that didn’t exist but,’ says Gwyneth, talking her traditional Gwyneth-ese. Effectively, bravo, Gwyneth. Your future self has been ideated and it’s somebody who lives in a 4 Seasons resort.  

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